Loving the Oppressor

So yesterday was my day off and it was great. I was going to hang out with the Brit but her kid home sick so no luck there. Then I took the bus to Kadakoy and hung out with the Graphic Designer for lunch. It was swell. Then I sat in the park and read a book for a few hours. The book I am reading is called “What happened from the Cross to the Throne” and it is great. I encourage you all to read it. Then that night I met up with the Graphic Designer again and we went to her friend’s house for dinner. Her friend is Turkish and wonderful. She is my age and lives on the outskirts of the city. They were regular people. I had dinner with her mom, dad, grandmother, and uncle. They spoke only Turkish but it didn’t matter because they were loving. I was so blessed. But I left very sad because these are the people I want to minister to. These people who the world has beat down and yet they press on so bravely.

My problem is I have to minister to the oppressor. I am frustrated because I hate it. Every time I have to humble myself and love this person who is so unjust and so self consumed. I know the enemy is the enemy and people are not the enemy but that is hard to swallow when the people are the ones doing all the talking. I am starting to get physically sick every time my Patron calls one the other workers name. I cringe expecting to hear some nasty toned Turkish phrase. The seeker of justice within me is always railed up. I just need the Lord. Pray that he will give me boldness when the time comes and that he will constantly whisper in my ear what to do. Then of course pray that I love these people recklessly. I am not sure I know how but I am will to press on and keep trying. I already have the victory. I need to live this: “In this world you will have troubles but take heart for I have overcome the world.”

I Wanna Buy These Shoes

Today was a good day. Princess Peach tested her boundaries with me today though. She wanted to watch something but Benny was watching a show and was about to leave in five minutes and so I said wait until he leaves and then it turned into a big dramatic ordeal. Then she began to speak to me in a nasty tone. I said, “Excuse me who are you talking to? If you ever speak to me in that tone of voice again I am going to tell your mom. I am not your dog.” Well of course she didn’t like that. She went and pouted to her mom. Later that morning the three of us had a discussion. Princess Peach is altering the story and I raised my voice and said you are not going to lie to your mom about me. My Patron was sitting right there. Princess Peach began to cry and pout saying they love Benny more and people always take his side and bla bla bla. How much of it is true I don’t know. What I do know is that she is manipulating her mom this whole time. She said what she needed to say to get the desired reaction from her mom. Now I never got in trouble or anything like that but the truth is that she treats her brother like, excuse my French, shit and wines when other people treat him nicely. My Patron is trying to reason and bargain with her. She is 10. Don’t coddle lies attack them at the throat. It is a lie that Benny is treated better so attack that lie. My Patron later asks me later to spend more time with Princess Peach because that will make this better. I was fighting the tears the whole time. The whole conversation. Princess Peach just wants her way but mostly her parent’s attention. The only way her mom will really pay her any attention though is if she gets upset and needs to be comforted. Sure I can spend time with her and I will but I will never replace her mother.

I met another American nanny today, A-town. She is from Atlanta. I like Her. Graduated from Georgia Tech so I am pretty sure she is a secret genius even though she was very modest about it. I think we are going to be good friends. She worked in the corporate world before becoming a nanny about 3 months ago. Crazy right. I was hoping that because she was from Georgia she might love Jesus but no luck. I have met a lot of nannies and none of them love Jesus. Thing is I can’t figure out why more nannies don’t love Jesus. Being a nanny is the perfect cover for loving and serving people. You are admitted in the family and interact hourly with these people. So here is a call to all the Christians wondering what to do with their life. Consider being a nanny. Pray about it.

Then lastly a little ramble. I had a Christmas song stuck in my head today. I think its for Christmas anyway. It is the one where the little kid wants to buy the shoes for his mom who is dying and he wants her to look beautiful “if momma meets Jesus tonight.” It’s a Christian song and the Christian in the line who pays for the shoes when the boy is short always moves everyone. Then he sends him off to the hospital and everyone feels warm inside, good deed done. My question is why didn’t the Christian follow that kid to the hospital and pray for his mom and see her healed. Wouldn’t that have been a better Christmas present than some shoes? I don’t know why it bothered me so. It would have been a total risk that could have end without a healing. But what if she was healed? Would the risk have been worth it? The gesture to pay for the shoes was great but I think it is time that we dream bigger as Christians. We have the living God on our and he has commissioned us to heal the sick and raise the dead. We will do greater things than he. Let’s walk in that power. Sorry I took it out on you 90s Christian Christmas song.

I'm Jewish

I will start with yesterday. After the kids went off to school I headed off to the market with the Brit and Aunt Josephine. It was a fun time. It was an open-air market not really meant for tourists. Essentially it has been the same for thousands of years with the exception of the products. Fresh fruit and vegetables were everywhere. I saw a cabbage the size of a small dog and a walnut the size of a child’s fist. There was also fabric, jewelry, kitchen stuff, and pretty much anything you can imagine. It was kind of like a Walmart outside under tents.

But the highlight from yesterday was that I got my camp dvd. Over the summer I work for a camp and each team usually makes a camp video so you remember your summer. Ours was awesome. I was laughing so hard. It made me miss camp so much. Which is crazy because while you’re in the middle of camp it is very difficult and more than once I have said, “I will never do this again.” After watching that video I felt like I was made to do camp. Funny how God uses things. Often it seems our most radical change comes from experiences that we struggle with when we are in them but look back on and love.

Today I had something cool happen. They started rough because I got lectured on doing things incorrectly when once again it was a weirdo Turkish thing. But I am a perfectionist of sorts and I certainly don’t like to fail. So I am beating myself up about this. I get to tennis with Benny and I begin to read from a book called “When Heaven Invades Earth” and God dialed my number. I am holding back the tears at this private school tennis court in front of Baba no less. It was speaking about the Kingdom and the patience it takes to see God move in big ways. Just waiting where you are for God to move and knowing He will.

Then at Princess Peach’s birthday party today I met a dancer. Now the Dancer is a 32 year old who proudly announced, “I’m Jewish” after telling me her sir name. Well here sir name sounded like, “kurfgksejrfgeg” to me so I was like, “oh cool.” Well our conversation went like this:

Do you speak English?

Yes

Are you a teacher?

Yes I am these kids teacher.

Do you teach older people too?

Sure I guess

Will you teach me?

Before I even knew what was happening I was like, sure I’ll teach you English. She asked how much for the hour and then we were interrupted. Then God spoke to me. “Give her the lessons for free.” It was crazy. It was planned. Later she asked again and I told her the lessons will be free and you could maybe by me a coffee. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet on her lunch break one day during the week. God is getting ready to do something and I am so pumped. Thank you for your continued prayer and support. I love and miss you so much. Dad I missed you in particular today when Benny and his dad were interacting at Benny’s football practice. Something in the way they interacted after the practice while talking about what happened and how to improve. The whole, “Did you have fun? Yes? Well then that’s all that matters” talk.”

Heart Reflection

I have been having a hard time here as of late. So I sent a friend a message speaking of my discouragement. She replied with, “Stop loving these people as a means to an end.” She is very kind hearted this friend of mine. It cut me like a knife. Not a slashing angry scary movie knife but the knife of an expert surgeon. I have loved these people in the hopes that they will get saved and I will get to go home. Selfish, Selfish.

I am not sure I know how to love these people. Jesus spoke truth and served others. The one thing that seemed to happen to Jesus a lot but doesn’t happen to me is that he was often moved by compassion. The things the kids do rarely move me to compassion. Usually I am moved to want to smack them. I clench my jaw a lot here.

Please pray that God will fill my heart with compassion. I must become tenderhearted. I need to fall in love with these people. The process so far has been slow. I need to love with reckless abandonment. The thing is God told me he was gonna do this. With in the first week or so of me being here he gave me a picture of a rolling pin working hard core on a heart. I am praying it will be for the people around me but I can see now it is also for me.

I want to see these people come to know Christ. I want to see the harvest. Part of it is selfish but another part is I am cocky and I fear what happens after I leave. I know God is in control but my heart needs to learn that. It’s hard to let go and say God be in control because if I’m not here clearly nothing could possibly happen. Cocky,cocky. I also feel there is a bit of urgency. This is about souls and eternal placement. It is also frustrating to see these people live trying to fill a void when you have the answer to the riddle.

Well these are just some heart thoughts. I am not fishing for encouragement or justification. I know the only way to gain satisfaction and answers, is to seek the face of God. So if you’ll excuse me I think I will do just that.

They're Back

So the family came back. Benny gave me a hug, Princess Peach a “hello”, Baba a “Hi”, and my Patron a “I am going to the hospital because I think I broke my toe.” She left and the rest of us sat down for lunch.

My patron came back her toe is fine and the first thing she says is,

“Did you guys eat all the chicken for lunch?

“I don’t know I didn’t really pay attention.”

(Angrily) “This is important I really need to know.”

“I have no idea I really didn’t pay attention.”

I had no idea what was happening but I am pretty sure that Mother Hen and Java were about to get in trouble for something very stupid. Then we moved upstairs and we unpacked the suitcases. Apparently putting the shoes in the shoe compartment of the suitcases is not good enough. We must put them in bags first. You see they are very dirty. Even if they can’t touch the clothes they still might somehow infect them. I also apparently didn’t pack enough close for Benny even though he had day clothes and night close. He needed about five more shirts. That would have given him 16 shirts for 5 days. What on Earth?

Then because she was bored it was time to give me some more tasks. Do some art with the kids ok. Ok, I say knowing full well that the kids are happily occupied not watching tv. They didn’t want to do art. Then as I am leaving the room she tells me we will all wash Caramel today after I am finished with this. Ok I say. Benny and I move up stairs and he plays Wii sport. Later Princess Peach came up to play. Then up the stairs came Baba’s father Corky. Corky is great. The last time he came over he started singing rat pack songs and then one “Texas Song” as he called it. It was some country tune that I have no idea about. Corky came up and sat with us and he and I talked.

We talked a lot. The kids left and we stayed. He talked about his family history. Their sir name has been in use since about 600 A.D. they first were a people who worshipped the stars but in 1050 AD became Muslim. He was given his farm by an Ottoman Sultan after the Battle for Vienna, which took place in 1683. It is a big piece of land. Baba’s actual name means vane and was given to Corky’s father by Ataturk. He was considered the vane of the country. Ataturk was areformer and helped with Turkish Independence from the Ottoman Empire. He is a big deal, like George Washington for us. He then told me Hitler invited his Father to a party in Vienna after Hitler gained control of Austria. He told me about his farm’s history and how he will often find Roman artifacts after it rains. The he started talking to me about his wife. His wife passed a year ago and it has been hard. Apparently it was kind of an arranged mirage. They got pictures of each other said they liked what they saw and then they met. Hung out for a couple of days and then were engaged and soon married. He said he thought that is how marriage should be done because everyday he discovered something wonderful and new about this woman and fell more in love with her. They had 58 happy years. “Every day she would wake up and ask, ‘Corky do you love me? And I would say ‘no!’ then one day I said ‘yes’ and she said ‘Why yes did you do something bad. Don’t change it.” Then he laughed a lot. Then he said, “When she first died I was mad. And I asked God why, why, why. But then I changed. I was like Corky you have to thank God for the 58 beautiful years because he could have given you a wife who yam yam yam yam yam.” He went on to talk more about his wife and their life together. I cried a little. Then Asli called and said Benny wanted a peach. Corky looked at me, “Oh I had forgotten about the kids. I don’t have anyone to talk to and now I found someone and I forgot about the kids.” I laughed. As this was happening I had two thoughts. One, I am glad I have had a lot of awkward death conversations with my friend Ashley or I might have a mess up there. Then two, how sad that he comes over to their house so often and no one talks to him. He just sits and reads the paper. Gives the kids some money and then that’s it.

I went down stairs to cut Benny’s apple and Mother hen is crying. The Patron has said something. I don’t know what. I try to give her a hug and console her but to no avail. I was so angry tears started coming out of my eyes. I pulled it together and went up stairs.

Kids got to bed late and I was blamed. The dog didn’t get washed because we were waiting on my Patron and I got blamed. Then my Patron and Baba fought. Screaming from both ends. She came out of her room cried with the dog and then went back for round two.

This house is a zoo. Emotions are always at extremes. The Patron attacks everyone because she thinks the world is out to get her. She is alone and must feel in control. I hate how she attacks everyone in this house. I don’t care what she says to me because I think she’s silly and I can come back home anytime I want get a better job and move on with my life. But the others have to say so they can send money home to their families. The kids have to stay because their children and this is their home and these are their parents. The size of the miracle that will take place here grows everyday because the darkness deepens everyday. I don’t know when God is going to show up in power. I just pray that it is soon.

Four Glorious Days

So if you are wondering why I went M.I.A for the last few days it was because I had a nice vacation. The kids are on their way back now and so I thought I should catch you up on what I did.

Friday I slept late and didn’t do anything until that evening. Friday night the Brit picked me up and we went to meet some of her friends. We went to her friend Missy Manager’s apartment sat on the terrace, which was way cool, and drank beer. It was an interesting crowed. We talked about music, health care, being a nanny, and all kinds of stuff. Half way through a friend of Missy Manager’s stopped by and hung for a little while. She was cool. Studied at Duke. She was sort of the Turkish version of my friend Jamie and so I was eating it up. Turkish Jamie left and Missy Manager started telling the nannies how lucky we where in our jobs. We had security. She plans events so she never knows if she’ll win or loose when it comes to money. We all looked at her like she was crazy. The Brit told her at least you have job satisfaction. Then Missy Manager said that maybe she should just move back to London, get a flat, and settle down like she was supposed to. But then she started talking about a friend who did that and was still unhappy. Then they started talking about drugs. Apparently weed and coke are okay to do here but not pills. The pills here are bad. Then as if it was no big deal they moved on to dieting. Turkey is full of broken people. I like it. I can’t wait to see God radically change it.

Saturday I met up with a new nanny, also from England, to have dinner. We took the bus to another part of the city and just walked around for a while. She is a little skittish. We were an odd pair because as a friend once told me, “You walk around Lincolnville in the middle of the night because the freaking hand of God is over you like its not dangerous.” We were not in a dangerous part of town but when you can’t speak to anyone around you or understand what they are saying it can be a little disorientating. The bus ride back was great because the bus was having some gear shifting problems and she was panicked. I was just chilling saying its fine relax and she was ready to jump off the bus. I smiled a lot. We went back to her house for a while and talked. We talked a lot about Jesus. How he actually was and what he did. The example he set for us. So once again I am sharing the gospel. Flat out explaining why I am in Turkey. She is from England and is well educated. She studied literature in college. But some how she still had no idea about the true story of Christ. Church why do we let the media instruct people on who Christ is? Why are we not known by our love? How is it that we believe that most people know about Jesus and simply choose to reject him? I would reject the Jesus those people know. Where is the truth and why don’t we care that it seems to be lost?

Sunday I met up with Mrs. Dixie. She and her husband our Florida kids and belong to the Southern Baptist Convention. I went over to their house for lunch and had tacos and sweet tea. I almost died. I had just written to someone that I would give a kidney for some tacos. The Lord is full of blessings and his love is ridiculous. We played cards and hung out until it was time for church. That’s right I got to go to church. Well I really love Dawn and Scott but church was interesting. They have a separate meeting for the Turkish Christians so it was a room full of whities. They also had a group in from Georgia to volunteer and it was like a deep South Church had picked up crossed the sea and transplanted itself in Turkey. I was laughing. Dixie was asking me what she had missed and what was wrong with me. I just kept apologizing. She told me it wasn’t normally like this. All I’m saying is when its time to worship lets get excited about God. Not stand as stiff as a board and sing opera falsetto. We rushed through those hymns so fast you would have thought the building was on fire. At the end I was talking to one of the ladies and asked what they do in the community. She looked at me kind of puzzled like and said, “We hand out packets.”

“Ah and how is that going?”

“Good. It’s hard because you don’t usually see these people again. Maybe you’ll get an email address and correspond but that’s it.”

Are you joking me? You have a group of believers in the middle of one of the darkest cities on the planet and your solution to sharing the love of Christ is a packet? When I told Dixie I was praying that the family would be saved by the time I left she looked at me like I was crazy because in the ten years they have been here they haven’t seen a convert in the people around them. No offense but know wonder. I am not saying literature is bad but I just don’t remember Christ hading any out. And don’t complain about the language barrier because most of the congregation has been in Turkey for years. It’s silly because while your handing out literature the mosque down the street is giving food to the poor, a huge soup kitchen. Pamphlets are you joking me. I don’t mean to belittle what they are doing because they at least are here but at the same time what is going on? Ours is a kingdom of power and if people don’t see that power why would they leave what they are already comfortable with. Paul judged the church based on power. Where is our power church? If the resurrection power of Christ, that is the power that raised Christ from the dead the hinge point of our religion, why don’t we see it? Why don’t we walk in it? Well self what is your excuse? I might not understand it all yet but I will not stop seeking until I find it. Even then I know it will not satisfy it will only make my appetite for God bigger and to that I say yes and amen.

Monday I slept. My throat feels a lot better. I also listened to the Women’s Conference tapes from my church back home. Christy Wimber spoke and my heart was jumping around in agreement. I was so encouraged. Then I had dinner with the staff and after drinks. The driver Lenny came over with two of his pals and it was Vodka time. I sat with them and attempted to communicate and laughed a lot at their crazy antics. Lenny tried to dance with me while sitting down and I obliged. After words he was like, “ Caitlin: Lenny why?” and did a very funny impression. I laughed very hard. I love learning about Caitlin from all these random people. Lenny’s two friends got on the trampoline and it was hilarious. After a while I went inside and Mother Hen and Cinderella tried to get me to dance to this awful Turkish club music. The thing is I don’t dance. When I dance before the Lord I just kind of jump around and flail about and hope it counts. The problem is I couldn’t explain that. So I just awkwardly laughed a lot. The best part though was when Cinderella imitated Caitlin’s dance. Her face and body movements were spot on. I was on the floor I was laughing so hard. Magical.

So that is about it. The family should be here any time now. Thank you for your continued prayer and support. Pray that the power of God will move through this place in an awesome way.

Freedom

And the verdict is freedom. Four days for a glorious break. I have no idea what to do with myself. But I am very excited about it. All I can do is thank the Lord. But here is something to pray for. My Patron is extremely concerned that she is going to regret not taking me. I believe this time on the boat with out me could be a precious opportunity for the family. I believe my Patron could discover what she is missing by not raising her children. I pray that the Lord uses this time to soften my Patron and her husband’s heart towards there own children. Heart change baby!

So over the last few days the family has been discussing adoption. You see Princess Peaches English teacher is adopted and when my Patron found out she was like oh. She couldn’t believe it. It was like the woman was unclean. The strangest part to them was the fact that she was happy. I was stunned. What exactly do you believe about adoption? This has really bothered me. Adoption has been presented to me as noble and extreme act of love. How could these people be so ignorant? Pray for revelation.

I have been feeling slightly under the weather. I woke up today with a soar throat. After I sent the kids to school I went back to sleep and didn’t wake up until right before they came home. Please pray for my throat and sinuses. Also pray that the Lord’s plan for my time off will make itself evident to me. Also Christian community I need some. Also pray for salvation. Pray the Lord will manifest himself in power.

Dead Man Walking

My title is not a deep or clever metaphor for Christianity but at this point I wish it were. Do you remember when you were in school and you got a bad grade and you knew you had to show it to your parents. You knew you were gonna die when they saw the grade. So the night before you had to reveal your red letter you really took life in. You played harder, ate more, and even took the time to brush your teeth and clip your nails. But even as you trimmed you felt your impending doom. That is how I feel tonight. Why? Simple, Pain and Panic the children who I am potentially spending the next five days with. Pain and Panic are jungle children. If they didn’t have a nanny they would be the toddlers left in the apartment to figure it out themselves and end up on the six o’clock news.

The story is this:

My Patron says to me we are going on a boat trip so we need to pack.

- How long?

- Five days. We also have invited Pain and Panics family to come with us.

- How fun.

- Ya but I don’t know if you should come because it is gonna be crammed.

- Ok just let me know.

(Later)

- I think I want you to come and you can sleep on the couch. But that might not be comfortable for you.

- No that’s true.

- But I feel four kids is too much for the Captain to handle by himself. Panic is a little crazy.

- Maybe but there is not much I can do for Pain and Panic because they don’t speak English. If panic has a screaming fit there is not much I can do to fix it.

- Yes but I am afraid they will go in the boat wet or with cream on.

- Well the Captain will be there and so will you.

- Yes but I am afraid I will get tired and not enjoy the trip if I am checking up on the kids all the time.

- You can sleep on it if you like.

- Oh can I? That would be wonderful because I just don’t know.

What on earth? There is going to be 10 people on a boat meant for 6! I am going to be sleeping on a couch in the living area and having to deal with Pain and Panic the minions of Hades, lord of the underworld. She wants me to take care of kids I can’t communicate with. She is afraid she’ll get tired? Well welcome to parenthood sweetie. It is no cakewalk being a mommy. It is not hard to supervise your own children and relax. Otherwise my parents never would have taken me to the beach as a child. You sit where you can see them play and let them go at it. Their just gonna watch tv half the time anyway so why does it matter? (I know it is a real tragedy.) I am a dead man walking. Oh well, through the good times and the bad it is well with my soul.

O My child, I am coming to thee walking upon

The waters of the sorrow of thy life; yea, above the

Sounds of the storm ye shall here my voice calling thy name.

Ye are never alone, for I am thy right hand.

Never despair, for I am watching over and caring for

thee. Be NOT anxious. What seemeth to thee to be at

present a difficult situation is all part of My planning,

and I am working out the details of circumstances to

the end that I might bless thee and reveal myself to

thee is a new way.

As I have opened thine eyes to see, so shall I open

thine ears to hear, and ye shall come to know me even

as did Moses, yea, in face-to-face relationship.

For I shall remove the veil that separates Me

from thee and ye shall know me as the dearest

Friend and as they truest Comforter.

No darkness shall hid the shining of My face,

for I shall be to thee a bright star in the night sky.

Never let they faith waiver. Reach out thy hand, and

thou shalt touch the hem of My garment.

-Francis J. Roberts

What A Good Day

Today was a good day. I got the kids up and ready for school and as I was rushing to do that I was told I was going because I had to carry some stuff in for Benny the Jet. Well I got ready real quick and off we went first to the boat to cross the sea and then in the car to school. The driver, Lewis, is hilarious. (Lewis because he reminds me of Humpty Dumpty from a tv movie version of Alice and Wonderland from the early 90s. And Lewis Carol wrote Alice and Wonderland so…I know it’s a stretch but every time I see him I think of that. Or maybe the short burglar from ‘Home Alone”. Never Mind.) He is the one who picked me up from the airport when I first arrived in Turkey. He missed me though so we sat in the same airport at different parts for an hour. But that is beside the point. He was confused as to why I was there because no one told him I was coming. Then when he figured out why I was there he ranted in broken English about my patron being ridiculous. I was dropped off with the kids walked them in dropped off the stuff and then Lewis found me and we walked to the car together.

Lewis speaks the best English out of the group so we went to a café for breakfast and “chatted.” He calls me his English teacher. We also have a joke. In we say “no problem,” or in Turkish “Problem yoke,” when things actually could be a problem or could be stressful. Its funny because I did that before I went to Turkey but my phrase was “It’s fine.” Any way, we had Turkish Tea and Burrick, which is kind of like macaroni and cheese but much better. They use feta and noodle sheets all squished together. It kind of looks like a brain. The top is crispy like a pastry. It’s good anyway. So we dined by the sea in the cool morning air under giant 200 year old trees. Then after trying to wait on the ferry that took to long we drove back to the house. You see a sea divides Istanbul. The Ferries are quicker because the city only has two bridges. Jacksonville is smaller and has seven. Got home got ready and left. Walked to the Ferry station because that is where some café’s are. Stopped in at one and had some lunch. While there I met a Turk studying to be a geophysicist. He spoke ok English and he gave me free Chi. It was great. I was the first foreign person he had ever seen in the particular part of Istanbul where I live.

After lunch I went home and waited on the kids. It didn’t take to long and there they were. First we had a snack and while we were eating one of Caitlin’s friends, The Brit, came to “give Emre some shoes.” She also has arranged a play date for her boy and mine. So awesome! Oh the cleverness of her! They left and it was time for art. First we drew pictures of ourselves on post-its. (I don’t know it was Princess Peach’s idea.) We painted our feet and then walked on paper. They thought it was hilarious. The Princess Peach had a math lesson and Benny and I played. First we played with Hotwheels and then I watched him play Wii Tennis. He got really into it. It was fun to watch. Dinner was late but fun. I had everyone tell funny stories from their day. Nobodies story was really funny but I laughed a lot any way. My Patron’s was not funny at all but she would pause where she expected a laugh so I would laugh because of how absurd it was. It was great. Then after dinner kids were in bed and I taught my Patron how to watch tv on the internet. She hugged me and kissed my cheek. She was very excited and said she would have to quit work. I am afraid I am failing. The God that I want her to quit work for and the god she wants to quit work for are not quite the same. Progress anyway?

Then I went to the kitchen and had a snack. I also brought done some shoes and my Turkish dictionary so that I could explain they were for Benny but not until next year. I used the dictionary and got my point across and their was much rejoicing between Mother Hen, Java , and I. Then I had my snack. Peter Pan peanut butter with nutella on fresh bread. I am gonna be as big as a house when I leave this place but oh well. Mother Hen yelled at me for standing up when I ate and made me sit. You see, she explained, when you eat standing it goes to your ankles and you can’t get nourishment. While when you sit and eat it gets to your stomach and you are nourished. Of course I had no idea what she was saying so really it was a hilarious game of charades with pointing and a bunch of Turkish I didn’t quite catch. Then I went through my pictures on my computer with Mother Hen. Showed her my family. We also looked at Caitlin’s arrival at home pictures. Mother Hen really likes Caitlin’s parents and kept telling me how wonderful they where and how much she loved them.

(As a side note this is the third time I have got up to teach my Patron about watching tv online. This past time I showed her that she could enlarge the screen. “Oh F**k” she exclaimed with a look of Christmas morning joy on her face. It’s the simple things really. “God bless democracy” also came out of her mouth. You see good democracy allows for tv on the internet? I am her new best friend for the next five minutes.)

After creeping on Caitlin, her family, and her home in St. Augustine. Mother Hen went to bed and here I am typing. Oh I also got a letter today from a friend at church, Rebekah, and I was so pumped!!! Still am in fact. Oh and they are going on the boat for the weekend and they might leave me at the house!!! I am not holding my breath but I am still excited! It would be a four-day weekend.

Pray for the continued advancement of the gospel in this place. Pray that God’s presence will be felt here. He must show himself strong.

First Day of School

Today was the first day of school. I woke them up got them dressed and they left. That was it. I made their beds and tidied the rooms and then I was done. Then I did nothing all day. I got in contact with some of Caitlin’s friends, Facebooked, read, and watched ‘Mean Girls.’ (Don’t judge me Tina Fey is a genius.)

I also was able to listen to a podcast from my church back home. One of the missionaries supported by our church spoke. He is a friend of mine and he is wonderful. The sermon was amazing. He talked on obedience. Sermon really is a bad word because what he really did is share his testimony of where he is right now. It is inspiring to see people obey God with reckless abandonment. I also am excited for what I will be able to share when I get home. I can’t wait to share and rejoice with my family over the amazing things God will do here.

I was able to worship today. I also prayed over the house. I walked though the rooms and prayed over the kid’s beds. I want the Lord’s presence to dwell in this place in a noticeable way.

Tonight while eating dinner with Java, Cinderella, and Mother Hen I heard the Pirates of the Caribbean music playing. (The family went out for dinner strait from school and work. They forgot to tell me. It’s fine.) So I am looking around trying to figure it out and I realize it the tv. Well you see that was weird because it was on the Turkish equivalent of CNN. That’s right they score all their news stories with adventure soundtracks. I was in shock. This particular story was about a drug bust, then it switched to a story about terrorism, then flood coverage and all with the same adventure score. I was like are you serious. Then they started showing bodies from the flood. Dead people in focus with camera men fighting their way into the backs of ambulances to get more footage. Where is your tact? It was like those bad entertainment news shows in the US with all the gossip. Bad shots, poor quality cameras, big arrows on screen, and no tact this is Turkish news. But I did see a terrorist bust to Pirates of the Caribbean so I am not complaining too much.

Had another attempt at a conversation with Mother Hen today. But really all I understood was Victoria Secret. Then she brought out this pair of pants and showed them to me. She then communicated that they were too big. She also said Caitlin but I am not sure how she fits into the story because they weren’t Caitlin’s pants. The staff tries to talk to me a lot and always include me. Tonight we had sunflower seeds and watched Turkish tv together. I had no idea what was going on but it was great. I just laugh a lot. I know they think I’m crazy. Mother Hen gave me a back rub and I got goose bumps because someone touched me. It has been a while. I miss hugs.

I also had this revelation. When ever my Patron comes home the staff freaks out and runs around like chickens with their heads cut off. They are trying to prepare for whatever her next whim might be. Which is difficult because they don’t read minds you see. My Patron is very hard and rude to Mother Hen. She plays it off and says the Patron’s mean and crazy but what I realized is that it really hurts her. The lies and hurtful things the Patron says cuts deep and the wounds have no one to heal them. I also realized we are supposed to be servants of God. But in all the stories God’s servants rejoice when he returns not run for the hills. The servant master mentality is extremely warped here and that realization broke my heart.

Pray about this if you don’t mind. My Patron has a very domineering presence and I think it needs to end. I am taller so I walk up to her head held high to show I am not intimidated but that is not quite what I mean. The spirit that she carries around with her to make herself feel important and secure is to dominate others. So I think its time for God to dominate her. I would like the presence of God that I carry around to be so large and impressive that she can’t get over it. I want her to be curious. I want her to ask. I want God to be glorified above all.